Senate Bill to require DNA testing of litterbugs

blocksWhile other states are busy expanding the list of persons who must give DNA samples to include sex offenders and persons arrested for dangerous felonies, Sen John Loudon has introduced Senate Bill 557 to put Missouri lightyears ahead of the pack. At present, the law only applies to felons and sex offenders in Missouri.

The new bill forces anyone found guilty of ANY misdemeanor to give a sample of their DNA for the state DNA profiling system. This would apply to any person who is:

  1. sentenced to jail, or
  2. gets probation.

This is a whopping escalation, not only in the numbers of persons tested, but in the pettiness of offenses which will require DNA testing. Some of these include:

  • gambling
  • careless and imprudent driving
  • turn signal violations
  • peace disturbance
  • speeding (or driving too slowly)
  • sale of a motor vehicle on a Sunday
  • failure to return a rented video
  • cockfighting
  • bear wrestling
  • possession of an unregistered monkey
  • impersonating a hairdresser
  • entering a prohibited cave
  • sticking out arms on a roller coaster
  • releasing a swine
  • picking flowers by the roadside, and
  • littering.

One thing is for sure, serial litterbugs will think twice before they toss out that cup with their saliva all over the rim.

Another break for first degree murderers? Maybe

blocksIt seems that that the headlines are going to the Missouri bill that causes a three year moratorium on the death penalty.

Murder in the first degree is the knowing and intentional killing of a human being after cool deliberation. The only punishment for cold-blooded murder is death, or life without possibility of parole.

Now that the death penalty is coming under fire, I wanted to note a second bill in the legislature that softens the life-without-parole side of the punishment issue.
House Bill 632 is sponsored by Representative John Burnett and co-sponsered by Jeff City’s own Bill Deeken. You can read the bill in full, but here is the gist of how it effects a murder 1st conviction where the death penalty is not applied:

The offender will be eligible for parole after just 15 years if:

  1. The murder victim was a spouse or domestic partner (whatever that is); and
  2. The murderer is a woman with no prior felonies.

Pretty simple. Sorry guys, no break for you, so go back to your cell.

Note: I wonder what people will think of this. I am trying to think of another crime where the punishment is different depending on the sex of the offender. Also, I haven’t worked through this “domestic partner” business. The statutes refer to “domestic partnerships” but that’s a form of business, not a way to have fun without getting married.

Borat is spamming my blog!

blocksSomeone asked me why it takes time for comments to show on the blog. That’s because I have to read them first because most of them–let’s say 95%–are spam.

These stupid ads are annoying and irrelevant, and worse, insulting. Some English-as-a-third-language copyrighter imagines that you are dumb enough to click one of these ads :

  • Prepare to women day NOW Viagra try its the best. Happiness can be you most soon. You read now. (link removed)
  • I had tried ViARGA and that was really cool… Now I know everything’s gonna be ok. I look for here: (link removed)
  • I found FLOWER for WOMEN Deliver flower (link removed)
  • Hi guys! You be many-sided. Very important message. Everyone must to read. (link removed)

Either Borat is spamming my blog or a web bot is leaving comments from the script of “The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!” ? (Emeergency! Everyone to get from street!).

Anyhow, that’s why the comments are delayed a few minutes or hours. Real comments are–of course–welcome.

Motorcycle stunt driving – Will you be the first?

Jefferson City Criminal lawyerIt seems impossible to browse through the bills pending in the legislature without laughing, crying or scratching your head. I’ve already mentioned a bill that would keep potheads from ever driving a car, a bill to punish revelers from shooting a gun in the air and a bill providing special punishments for running over a parole officer. There are also some very heavy punishments being proposed for first-time DWI offenders. I’ll have more on that later.

Right now, we need to watch this bill sponsored by Representative Jeff Roorda. It’s HB 282 and it “Creates the crime of motorcycle stunt driving.” Is that cool or what?

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? What do I have to do to get one of those? Well you’ll have to complete one or more of the following “dangerous stunts” while riding on a motorcycle:

  1. Standing on the seat, frame, or handlebars of a motorcycle;
  2. Performing handstands on the seat, frame, or handlebars of a motorcycle;
  3. Operating a motorcycle on one tire;
  4. Removing both hands from the handlebars while operating the motorcycle

StuntPresumably, you would have to do it with a police officer watching. Sort of like passing your driver’s test. Then you pay your fine and tell everyone you know that you have a conviction for stunt motorcycle driving. Everybody knows the ladies go for the bad boys. If you’re really ambitious, move to Hollywood to break into the business. When the movie producer wants to know your motorcycle stunt driving experience, you can whip out a certified copy and tell him, “Experience, hell, I’ve got a conviction.”