Motorcycle stunt driving – Will you be the first?

Jefferson City Criminal lawyerIt seems impossible to browse through the bills pending in the legislature without laughing, crying or scratching your head. I’ve already mentioned a bill that would keep potheads from ever driving a car, a bill to punish revelers from shooting a gun in the air and a bill providing special punishments for running over a parole officer. There are also some very heavy punishments being proposed for first-time DWI offenders. I’ll have more on that later.

Right now, we need to watch this bill sponsored by Representative Jeff Roorda. It’s HB 282 and it “Creates the crime of motorcycle stunt driving.” Is that cool or what?

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? What do I have to do to get one of those? Well you’ll have to complete one or more of the following “dangerous stunts” while riding on a motorcycle:

  1. Standing on the seat, frame, or handlebars of a motorcycle;
  2. Performing handstands on the seat, frame, or handlebars of a motorcycle;
  3. Operating a motorcycle on one tire;
  4. Removing both hands from the handlebars while operating the motorcycle

StuntPresumably, you would have to do it with a police officer watching. Sort of like passing your driver’s test. Then you pay your fine and tell everyone you know that you have a conviction for stunt motorcycle driving. Everybody knows the ladies go for the bad boys. If you’re really ambitious, move to Hollywood to break into the business. When the movie producer wants to know your motorcycle stunt driving experience, you can whip out a certified copy and tell him, “Experience, hell, I’ve got a conviction.”

Ending holiday gunfire doesn’t go far enough

Senate Bill 60 would expand the crime of Unlawful Use of a Weapon to anyone who “discharges or shoots a firearm into the air for celebratory purposes in an urban area.”

SamThis will be a felony and will doubtless increase civility and safety among city-dwellers. Happy New year and Fourth of July!

I submit, however, there is more to be done. Today I was watching a movie, Back to the Future, Part III, when I was reminded of a remaining loophole in the Missouri weapons statute. Many of you will recall this pitiless scene:

BUFORD: Mad Dog? I hate that name. I hate it, you hear? Nobody calls me Mad Dog. ‘Specially not some, duded-up, egg sucking, guttertrash.

Buford starts shooting at the floor around Marty’s feet. Marty jumps and cries out.


BUFORD: Dance! Come on! Come on, runt, you can dance . . . (fires another shot) better than that!

Marty keeps moving his feet, finally ending up in a Michael Jackson “moonwalk.”

danceI wanted to cry.

Not to criticize Senator Yvonne Wilson’s efforts, but it would have been simple matter to add language making it a crime to “discharge or shoot a firearm into the ground for the purpose of making another person dance.” Maybe next year.

Fox guards hen house – true story

Here is my cops & donuts story. A few years ago I needed to speak with a local police officer about an upcoming case and I was directed to call the local donut shop.

Foxes guard hen house

I called to learn that our probate judge had issued an order that very morning to have a woman committed for a mental health evaluation.

The police went to the donut store–where she worked–only to find she was the only employee on duty. They had to take her away and it took the rest of the morning to find the manager to come and staff the store. They didn’t even have a key to close the place.

So for the rest of the morning our city police had to watch the store, and the money . . . and naturally, the donuts. I never heard whether any bear claws turned up missing.

And just for fun: