Motorcycle Stunt Driving may soon be a crime in Missouri

Jefferson City Criminal Lawyer

Representative Jeff Roorda, A Democrat from the St. Louis area is back again with a bill to protect us from ourselves. His House Bill 1332 creates the crime of Motorcycle Stunt Driving.

Most new criminal laws are unnecessary and this one is especially so. But considering all the possible crimes we could commit, how cool would it be to have a conviction for Motorcycle Stunt Driving? To quote Will Smith’s character in the movie Independence Day: “I have got to get me one of these!”

To get one, you have to complete one or more of the following “dangerous stunts” while riding a motorcycle on a public road (presumably in front of a police officer):

  1. Standing on the seat, frame, or handlebars;
  2. Performing handstands on the seat, frame, or handlebars;
  3. Operating a motorcycle on one tire;
  4. Removing both hands from the handlebars

It’s kind of like taking your driver’s test, except there is no requirement that you do it very well.  (Keep in mind–however–it could be embarrassing to get a conviction for attempted Motorcycle Stunt Driving). Afterwards, you pay your fine and tell everyone you know that you have a conviction for motorcycle stunt driving.

You could become famous. There are web sites on how to break into the Hollywood Movie Stunt business.

If you’re really ambitious, move to Hollywood. When the movie producer wants to know your motorcycle stunt driving experience, you can whip out a certified copy and tell him, “Experience, hell, I’ve got a conviction.”

Even if you don’t want to get into the movies, a conviction for motorcycle stunt driving can only bolster your image. Everybody knows the ladies go for the bad boys. If you already have tattoos, then this is the next step. If you don’t have one, get your conviction record tattooed on your chest!

Come back with a warrant

HOME INVASION in Missouri: A crime whose time has come

Jefferson City Criminal LawyerI’ve noticed that the phrase “home invasion” seems to turn up more and more in news reports. I did a search of some Missouri newspapers looking for the term “home invasion,” and–sure enough–“home invasion” seems to have arrived in Missouri. Before the year 2000, it was seldom used in Missouri news reports, referring mostly to crimes in other states. But now, Missouri “home invasions” are on the radio, TV and newspapers every day.

The media is in love with the term “home invasion.” It’s hot. It’s scary. The word “invasion” is always terrifying. I’m thinking viruses, or Nazis; or maybe even Martians.

Combining “invasion” with “home” is a natural. Somebody probably has a copyright on it. Law enforcement loves to use the phrase. When I was a prosecutor, I had police tell me that if I wouldn’t file a burglary charge, then “at least I could file it as a home invasion.”

From all the publicity, one might guess that the crime of home invasion was on the rise. Or perhaps the legislature has recently created a crime called “home invasion.” One could not be faulted for thinking that Missouri had a crime called “Home Invasion.” But one would be wrong.

In some states they have one crime called “Breaking and entering,” which refers to non-dwelling structures. Then they’ll have a second crime called “Home invasion,” which refers to breaking into dwellings. In Missouri, both of these crimes are covered by the crime of burglary.

The 2008 legislative session will soon be upon us and maybe we should consider punching up our old criminal code and drag it into the 21st century. “Home invasion” is splashy and sexy. “Burglary” sounds like something your parents would have done (or had done to them). So maybe this is the year Missouri gets home invasion onto the books.

And since I’m making a Christmas list, I’d like to put in a good word for the revival of Representative Jeff Roorda’s 2006 & 2007 legislation that would have made “Motorcycle Stunt Driving” a crime. You can read about it in this post.

Maybe I’m too old, but I think it would be pretty neat to get one on my driving record.

Come back with a warrant